An Open Letter to Blabbbers

As the complaints pour in about the latest changes to Facebook and many are making a change to Google+, we thought we’d write a little recommendation letter to all the Blabbbers out there …
TO: Those Blabbbers listed below  …
FROM: Blabbb
RE: An Open Letter to Blabbbers
DATE: September 21, 2011
CC: Blabbb’s Secretary; Blabbb’s Chef; Blabbb’s Limo Driver
Dear Blabbbers …
  • who change their profile photos everyday;
  • who write “I” and “me” too much;
  • who blabbb about politics;
  • who blabbb about religion;
  • who blabbb about what they’re eating;
  • who blabbb about what they just ate;
  • who blabbb about how what they ate affected them in the bathroom;
  • who “check in;”
  • who “check” others “in;”
  • who wish their bartender’s brother’s college roommate’s ex-girlfriend’s mother a “Happy 50th Birthday” as their FB status;
  • who blabbb that they are saddened by the death of their pizza delivery guy’s brother’s karate teacher’s stepfather;
  • who are friends with their dentists and gynecologists on FB;  😉
  • who curse on FB and Twitter;
  • who blabbb about the “cutest thing” their best friend’s baby just said to the sales clerk at the sporting goods store;
  • who blabbb (ie, boast) about home ownership;
  • who blabbb (ie, complain) about home ownership;
  • who blabbb about not being in debt;
  • who blabbb about being in debt;
  • who use the word “woot;”
  • who type “LOL” or “LMFAO;”
  • who blabbb (ie, boast) about their promotion;
  • who blabbb (ie, complain) about being laid off;
  • who blabbb (ie, complain) about their frustrating job search;
  • who blabbb (ie, boast) about finding their new job … and then blabbb (ie, complain) right away about their new job;
  • who wasted the time to write “25 Things About Myself” on FB;
  • who list their family members online;
  • who post requests on their “friends'” walls to send them a private message or call them;
  • who blabbb their emails addresses or cellphone numbers on their “friends'” walls [Random aside: We promote prank calling all such blabbbers late at night.];
  • who blabbb about their wife’s teacher’s postman’s nephew getting the cutest kittens;
  • who blabbb about their brother’s running coach’s car salesman’s dog dying;
  • who are FB friends with the crazy girl who sells pistachios at the ballpark;
  • who blabbb about losing their keys;
  • who blabbb about finding their keys;
  • who update their FB statuses with congratulations to their librarian’s mother’s real estate agent’s yoga instructor on her second marriage to her baby’s daddy;
  • who blabbb how sorry they are that their masseuse’s favorite food blogger’s meter maid is going through a divorce right now;
  • who blabbb about wanting to go on vacation;
  • who blabbb about going on vacation;
  • who blabbb about being jealous of someone else’s vacation;
  • who blabbb about wishing they were still on vacation;
  • who thank everyone on FB for the amazing birthday wishes and are “so blessed” to have “the best” friends and family;
  • who blabbb that they cannot sleep;
  • who blabbb that they took the best nap “EVER;”
  • who write “EVER;”
  • who blabbb that they slept in for the first time in “SO LONG;”
  • who write “SO LONG;”
  • who blabbb about how in love they are with their lover;
  • who blabbb about how annoyed they are by their lover;
  • who “wink” at their book club friend’s favorite bar’s trivia host online …

Dear any and all of those Blabbbers listed above: Take a deep breath, put your hands up, and slowly step away from your keyboards. The Reality Police are on their way. 😉
Sincerely “yours” (not “urs”),
~~ Blabbb


8 Responses to An Open Letter to Blabbbers

  1. Lee Porter says:

    Our words have meaning. We should first try saying aloud what we type before we press Post. We’ve never applauded (or “liked”) those who talk about themselves too much or gossip in person. Why isn’t the same true online? Manners should be easier online than they are in person. Manner up, Blabbbers. If you want to ‘blabbb,” get a diary and keep it to yourself. What do “you” (not “u”) think? 😉

  2. Zoe says:

    I thought I was having a Blabbb kind of day when I spent more than an hour complaining and commiserating on FB about FB’s non-sensical new changes. After a while, I realized that the new changes which were making me want to stop using FB could be seen as a blessing because I, like many others, waste waaaay too much time on a daily feeding my FB addiction. The awful changes could force me off of FB and into reality, making me much more productive in my real life, work, and friendships. “Great!!,” I thought.
    I logged off of FB…and thought about getting some real work done…..and twiddled my thumbs…..and checked email…..and then signed up for Google + in an attempt to fill that empty space that FB was threatening to leave…..and now, of course, I’m back on FB. Sigh.

  3. Blabbbermouth says:

    YO, yous forgots bout #WINNING, DUH!

  4. Jay says:

    I am very guilty of political posts. Where else can you piss off 100 people at once by proclaiming undieing love for a president? I imagine them stewing, trying to come up with the perfect rebuttal then hunting and pecking that rebuttal that I read as blah, blah, blah Obamacare, blah, blah, blah welfare. Because who has time to read a whole paragraph anyway?

  5. Lee Porter says:

    Another one we forgot …

    *those who comment “WANT” about material items

    Blabbb “WANTS” (encourages) you to keep it to yourself. 😉

  6. Blabbbermouth says:

    chirp-chirp, whers da blabbbin son?

  7. Vernon says:

    I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also with the layout on your weblog.
    Is this a paid theme or did you customize it yourself?

    Anyway keep up the nice quality writing,
    it is rare to see a great blog like this one nowadays.

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